As the pounding rain on my skylights competes with the familiar throb of blood pressure on my inner ears, it all conspires to focus me on a new life chapter.
Like many others, my subconscious usually knows just how to guide me. It told me to blurt out a date request to a cute college girl for a Mets game in 1987. (We were married four years later.) It convinced me to leave newspapers in 1992 because even then the handwriting was on the wall in Courier Bold. And, it told me it was okay to leave "a good job in the City" and embark on a downsized life in Upstate NY to facilitate the most important of all work: raising children.
Now, the internal core of my CPU is asking just what I've been doing the last 20 years to push my life passion. "Where's the professional writing? Where's your promise to me that we'll work like craftsmen churning out the equivalent of Chippendale piecrust tables for a discerning buyer?" It nags me in the most unusual settings. Daydreams in a cafeteria where my frugality stands out with my bag lunch to bedtime visits by dead family members playing like a silent home movie reel. Grandparents, happy to see me, but wonder why I am so sad. Are they trying to help? You bet they are.
Writing is one of those things that you're never good at until people say so - and accolades don't matter as much as money. Then, you bounce between hubris and self-doubt. The conceit is the worst. Thinking you can write effortlessly like Bob Dylan's first 100 songs is maddening and only means you've hit an artificial high water mark.
No one should go through it.
Rather, the anxiety over not being good enough is a comfortable friend. One who overlooks your faults - like the time you pulled down his shorts in front of his girlfriend as a prank - yet sees something bright and shining inside you. Self-doubt is like that. It's there when you bottom and really need a shoulder.
So, I hope to find a way to make a living from my writing. Screenplays, stageplays, sitcoms...even novels. They're all on the table. I got a jump on some of them already and hope for more.
But I still need a title for my new chapter of "what will I do to pay the bills." Undecided doesn't do in college majors, voter polls and anywhere else in real life.
Tuesday, September 28, 2010
Tuesday, January 20, 2009
Obama, etc.
Time for another post on this historic day. The whole inauguration was kind of surreal. You had all the elements of an iconic story: An American hero (Obama) takes the stage amid fears of credit woes and economic panic only to come face-to-face with the wicked, wheelchair-confined Old Man Potter (Dick Cheney). Who's the angel in line for wings?
I figured out the whole Obama thing: He's really a white guy in dark skin. That's all. And, he became President not in spite of or because of or anything...just because he was the right choice at the right time. Now, of course, the media has something to do with this. They didn't grill him as much as Palin. But Palin was a lightweight...and McCain was to for that matter. An aging politician whose heart wasn't in it at the end of the day. The real candidates who wanted it were Bam and Hil. Once Bam clinched the Dems nod, there was nothing more in his way than a king and a bunch of pawns to mop up the board.
The only thing that scares me is Bam's safety. The guy represents way too much change (although it's really a classic American message he has) for those in power today. Not those in governemnt, but those behind those in government. Just watch 24 and you'll see what I mean. It's not conspiracy stuff, just people in various seats of power -- business, organizational, even religious -- who may feel threatened by a return of alignment to a traditional balance.
I have to hand it to Bam, though. He brought together people and inspired an incredible number of people, about one percent of the total U.S. population, to turn out on the Mall. And that's the original mall, not the one that's replaced the village square with a Gap, Macy's and food court.
Politics of hope, not fear; inclusion not separation; unity not dischord.
I figured out the whole Obama thing: He's really a white guy in dark skin. That's all. And, he became President not in spite of or because of or anything...just because he was the right choice at the right time. Now, of course, the media has something to do with this. They didn't grill him as much as Palin. But Palin was a lightweight...and McCain was to for that matter. An aging politician whose heart wasn't in it at the end of the day. The real candidates who wanted it were Bam and Hil. Once Bam clinched the Dems nod, there was nothing more in his way than a king and a bunch of pawns to mop up the board.
The only thing that scares me is Bam's safety. The guy represents way too much change (although it's really a classic American message he has) for those in power today. Not those in governemnt, but those behind those in government. Just watch 24 and you'll see what I mean. It's not conspiracy stuff, just people in various seats of power -- business, organizational, even religious -- who may feel threatened by a return of alignment to a traditional balance.
I have to hand it to Bam, though. He brought together people and inspired an incredible number of people, about one percent of the total U.S. population, to turn out on the Mall. And that's the original mall, not the one that's replaced the village square with a Gap, Macy's and food court.
Politics of hope, not fear; inclusion not separation; unity not dischord.
Thursday, December 18, 2008
Lay Away
So I'm watching Nightline and ready to settle into some pedantic foreign policy story and what do they have...a segment that "layaway" is back. Yes the 1970s opposite of urban Rent-a-Center for chain stores. You forget how it works? You put downpayments on items that the store holds for you until you actually pay for them in full. If this isn't the dumbest thing I heard, then Neil Diamond must be the head of a popular heavy metal group.
Of course, the whole problem is we spend too much. Why? Because we want too much. Why? Because we watch too many movies, TV shows, advertisements, celebrity magazines, online sites, songs, radio programs, books, etc. that depict life at unrealistic levels of wealth. Then you go to your job and wonder why don't I have those things? When I was 15, I thought I'd have a billion dollars by now. When I was in my twenties, I thought a million was in my grasp by my mid-thirties. Now in my forties, I don't think I'll ever get there -- although I feel that I still have a good chance to leave such wealth to my children. Wait, that's only if I up my insurance benefit to seven figures...
Of course, the whole problem is we spend too much. Why? Because we want too much. Why? Because we watch too many movies, TV shows, advertisements, celebrity magazines, online sites, songs, radio programs, books, etc. that depict life at unrealistic levels of wealth. Then you go to your job and wonder why don't I have those things? When I was 15, I thought I'd have a billion dollars by now. When I was in my twenties, I thought a million was in my grasp by my mid-thirties. Now in my forties, I don't think I'll ever get there -- although I feel that I still have a good chance to leave such wealth to my children. Wait, that's only if I up my insurance benefit to seven figures...
Time for another
Yes, it's time for another post. Like the ones I used to know...
So, does it bother anyone that the Fed will be printing more and more money until the banks start borrowing? Isn't that what the Weimar Republic did circa 1928? Granted they were paying off reparations to the conquerors, but aren't we a bit in the same boat having declared defeat to the likes of Citigroup, AIG and Countrywide? Can't wait until my home appreciates to $50 million. I can take out a home equity line for a loaf of bread. At least interest rates will be low.
The bankers usually win. That's the lesson. Whether in war time, crisis, revolution -- it's not the lawyers Shakespeare should have feared, but the bankers. In a way, he did try to warn us, I guess. Before you read into whether there's some underlying message here, there isn't. The point is that people in pinstriped suits always seem to win only because we let them. Madoff is on record for bragging that he talked to regulators like children and had to educate them about his business model. That's pretty funny for someone who kept handwritten ledgers like he was George Bailey at the Bedford Savings and Loan. I guess Quickbooks was too much of a hassle.
And, what about the Bush shoe-throwing journalist in Iraq? I think he's just a patsy. When you look at the tapes of the press conference, clearly there's a second shoeman. I think Rehnquist needs to convene an official inquiry. There's a magic Oxford theory in our midst. I'd like to know just where Thom McCann was when those shoes were flying.
Does it really bother you that there are people not fazed by what's going on this country? Watch a movie fromt the 1940s or 50s. Okay, it's a bunch of people who could've slipped out of a Wonder bread wrapper. Besides that. Does life seem better? More civil? Contrived? Does it seem like people were rich? Poor? Middle class? I think the strata were closer together. Maybe it's me but I think Bill Gates would've been just a deca-millionaire and the average worker would've been content saving enough for a 20 percent downpayment on a 6 percent interest mortgage.
So, you say that it's unfair if everyone doesn't have access to the same benefits of housing, SUVs and flatscreen TVs? I'd have to say yes. It's the rules of the game that have been altered. Like playing Monopoly with your eight-year-old. You don't want to see him disappointed when he lands on your Boardwalk with a little red hotel greeting him. So, we bend the rules. Why not have someon with a $35,000 job get a $500,000 home? And, why not have that couple making a combined $100,000 get a home for three-quarters of a million? After all, everything's going up and it could never come down...
But we all know that everything is cyclical. My five-year-old knows this from Lion King's cycle of life. The King's son will take over and his son will inherit and so one. They even have a song about it, which we've recast the Cycle of Poop. You know you eat something, it gets flushed then fish eat it, you eat the fish... I remember my eighth grade science teacher saying we're drinking water that passed through Napoleon.
I always disputed that since I never drank Perrier in my life.
So, does it bother anyone that the Fed will be printing more and more money until the banks start borrowing? Isn't that what the Weimar Republic did circa 1928? Granted they were paying off reparations to the conquerors, but aren't we a bit in the same boat having declared defeat to the likes of Citigroup, AIG and Countrywide? Can't wait until my home appreciates to $50 million. I can take out a home equity line for a loaf of bread. At least interest rates will be low.
The bankers usually win. That's the lesson. Whether in war time, crisis, revolution -- it's not the lawyers Shakespeare should have feared, but the bankers. In a way, he did try to warn us, I guess. Before you read into whether there's some underlying message here, there isn't. The point is that people in pinstriped suits always seem to win only because we let them. Madoff is on record for bragging that he talked to regulators like children and had to educate them about his business model. That's pretty funny for someone who kept handwritten ledgers like he was George Bailey at the Bedford Savings and Loan. I guess Quickbooks was too much of a hassle.
And, what about the Bush shoe-throwing journalist in Iraq? I think he's just a patsy. When you look at the tapes of the press conference, clearly there's a second shoeman. I think Rehnquist needs to convene an official inquiry. There's a magic Oxford theory in our midst. I'd like to know just where Thom McCann was when those shoes were flying.
Does it really bother you that there are people not fazed by what's going on this country? Watch a movie fromt the 1940s or 50s. Okay, it's a bunch of people who could've slipped out of a Wonder bread wrapper. Besides that. Does life seem better? More civil? Contrived? Does it seem like people were rich? Poor? Middle class? I think the strata were closer together. Maybe it's me but I think Bill Gates would've been just a deca-millionaire and the average worker would've been content saving enough for a 20 percent downpayment on a 6 percent interest mortgage.
So, you say that it's unfair if everyone doesn't have access to the same benefits of housing, SUVs and flatscreen TVs? I'd have to say yes. It's the rules of the game that have been altered. Like playing Monopoly with your eight-year-old. You don't want to see him disappointed when he lands on your Boardwalk with a little red hotel greeting him. So, we bend the rules. Why not have someon with a $35,000 job get a $500,000 home? And, why not have that couple making a combined $100,000 get a home for three-quarters of a million? After all, everything's going up and it could never come down...
But we all know that everything is cyclical. My five-year-old knows this from Lion King's cycle of life. The King's son will take over and his son will inherit and so one. They even have a song about it, which we've recast the Cycle of Poop. You know you eat something, it gets flushed then fish eat it, you eat the fish... I remember my eighth grade science teacher saying we're drinking water that passed through Napoleon.
I always disputed that since I never drank Perrier in my life.
Monday, December 1, 2008
The trouble with...
Now that I have an official first post, I can get down to brass tacks. Things really irk me like...why isn't Stephon Marbury banned from the NBA for refusing to play and honor his contract? Last I heard, a player doesn't determine if and when he plays. The league has to step in and punish him - not just fine him, but remove him from his contract and refuse Knicks management to get any compensation for his loss other than a reduction of the salary cap. He's making a mockery of not only the Knicks and NBA but professional sports in general. The Knicks let this fester and it's becoming more farcical than the Chicago 7 trial. In fact, Abbie Hoffman would've never quit anything and used his tweaking of authority for a higher purpose than anything the likes of Marbury would ever understand. Same goes for Plaxico. If you think you need to carry a gun into a nightclub for protection, shouldn't you think twice about going into such a place?
Know what else is annoying? The current economic outlook. Okay, we all knew that several years of personal negative savings, record consumer debt and dizzying home prices were going to catch up with us. But why isn't Congress holding hearings to find what the f@#%$ really happened? If there was any hint of a foreign government or terrorism behind our mess, there would be a blue ribbon panel that would make the 9/11 Commission look like an aggravated harassment case in town court. Why aren't the heads of every top financial institution hauled before a panel to discuss how they balanced their own institutional risk and the public's trust at large? The problem is these financial institutions were allowed to grow so large (thank you Phil Gramm and the willing deregulationists who repealed Glass Steagall) that they had to get into more complex instruments so their CEOs and upper management can continue the earnings growth to justify their scores of millions in compensation. Any institution accepting any bailout money should require compensation packages not higher than those of federal government pay grades. So what if the "talent" leaves from these companies? As long as they get taxpayer money to preserve their jobs and bring their institutions down to soft landings, they'll have to abide by taxpayer pay scales.
Also annoying me are Lindsay Lohan, Britney Spears, Paris Hilton and every other no-talent celebrity who occupies more media coverage than the aforementioned economic situation. I would say that if we truly go into a depression for an extended period like a year or two similar to the early 1930s, we will see how important these celebs really are to us. And, once you take the Baby Boomer parents who fueled their children's artificially high standard of living with their technogadgets, unlimited credit lines and lessons of avoiding hard work and responsibility, it will be interesting to see how many will be willing to work at jobs deemed beneath their status. I'm sick of hearing how Gen Xers want their seat at the table without spending any time washing the silverware. They deserve their vacuous celebrity idols who are nothing more than the most extreme examples of a cyber-connected culture that truly has nothing important to say, yet manages to consume precious real estate in our media. Which brings me to...
Can anyone really believe the media (I won't even say "press" any more) is anything more than a vehicle to sell crap we don't need? At one time, you turned on the TV or radio for the immediacy of events and newspapers to interpret and understand what's happening around us. September 11 was a good example of this. We all saw events unfold on TV (or some of us experienced events firsthand that day), replayed over and over. But, for me, TV was a numbing medium like watching a Holocaust documentary. Events didn't hit home until I read The New York Times the next day in objective, hard facts. I can still remember the photo that since became "Falling Man." It ran inside the paper and put as much perspective on the day's events as a thousand minutes of CNN. Something about a static image and cold black type on paper that allows you to connect the synapses in your head and feel the impact in your own way instead of being told how to feel. Now, newspapers try to compete with the electronic media with their own web sites featuring updated articles and even video. Then when you read their printed pages, you see nothing but typos, jumps to nowhere and bad presswork giving photos a blurry double-image quality. When I was in newspapers, even the functional alcoholics who occupied the copy desk, layout and press had far higher standards and professionalism than what I see in many of today's papers. They could spot incongruous predicates, bad cuts and the slightest ink run off a photo's allotted borders.
I'm sounding more like my grandfather every day.
Know what else is annoying? The current economic outlook. Okay, we all knew that several years of personal negative savings, record consumer debt and dizzying home prices were going to catch up with us. But why isn't Congress holding hearings to find what the f@#%$ really happened? If there was any hint of a foreign government or terrorism behind our mess, there would be a blue ribbon panel that would make the 9/11 Commission look like an aggravated harassment case in town court. Why aren't the heads of every top financial institution hauled before a panel to discuss how they balanced their own institutional risk and the public's trust at large? The problem is these financial institutions were allowed to grow so large (thank you Phil Gramm and the willing deregulationists who repealed Glass Steagall) that they had to get into more complex instruments so their CEOs and upper management can continue the earnings growth to justify their scores of millions in compensation. Any institution accepting any bailout money should require compensation packages not higher than those of federal government pay grades. So what if the "talent" leaves from these companies? As long as they get taxpayer money to preserve their jobs and bring their institutions down to soft landings, they'll have to abide by taxpayer pay scales.
Also annoying me are Lindsay Lohan, Britney Spears, Paris Hilton and every other no-talent celebrity who occupies more media coverage than the aforementioned economic situation. I would say that if we truly go into a depression for an extended period like a year or two similar to the early 1930s, we will see how important these celebs really are to us. And, once you take the Baby Boomer parents who fueled their children's artificially high standard of living with their technogadgets, unlimited credit lines and lessons of avoiding hard work and responsibility, it will be interesting to see how many will be willing to work at jobs deemed beneath their status. I'm sick of hearing how Gen Xers want their seat at the table without spending any time washing the silverware. They deserve their vacuous celebrity idols who are nothing more than the most extreme examples of a cyber-connected culture that truly has nothing important to say, yet manages to consume precious real estate in our media. Which brings me to...
Can anyone really believe the media (I won't even say "press" any more) is anything more than a vehicle to sell crap we don't need? At one time, you turned on the TV or radio for the immediacy of events and newspapers to interpret and understand what's happening around us. September 11 was a good example of this. We all saw events unfold on TV (or some of us experienced events firsthand that day), replayed over and over. But, for me, TV was a numbing medium like watching a Holocaust documentary. Events didn't hit home until I read The New York Times the next day in objective, hard facts. I can still remember the photo that since became "Falling Man." It ran inside the paper and put as much perspective on the day's events as a thousand minutes of CNN. Something about a static image and cold black type on paper that allows you to connect the synapses in your head and feel the impact in your own way instead of being told how to feel. Now, newspapers try to compete with the electronic media with their own web sites featuring updated articles and even video. Then when you read their printed pages, you see nothing but typos, jumps to nowhere and bad presswork giving photos a blurry double-image quality. When I was in newspapers, even the functional alcoholics who occupied the copy desk, layout and press had far higher standards and professionalism than what I see in many of today's papers. They could spot incongruous predicates, bad cuts and the slightest ink run off a photo's allotted borders.
I'm sounding more like my grandfather every day.
Start Me Up
This is my initial posting on my very first blog! It's taken many years to get to this point, having written off the computer age many times in the past. Now, seeing that the written word can thrive in a digital age, it seems kind of anti-climactic that I'm posting something on a glorified bulletin board - albeit one that can be accessed by all - with such little to say. Oh well, sorry for taking your time.
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